FOUR

Cate chortled softly as Jon stole another glance at his phone.  She knew it would be hard for him to resist checking the score though he had declared earlier he didn’t care that they were missing the AFC playoff game.  She had offered to forego their evening plans, honest when she said she’d be happy to order a pizza and spend the evening on the couch in front of the TV, watching her husband cheer on the Patriots. 

Jon had quickly refused, insisting they continue with the special evening he had planned.  They had enjoyed a quiet candlelight dinner at a quaint local inn, then returned to the villa where Jon had another surprise waiting. 

Cate was speechless, shaking her head in wonder when she spied the private beach bonfire.  With a self-satisfied grin Jon had kissed her and led her across the sand to the fireside.  They settled down onto an oversized blanket, Jon guiding Cate to sit between his thighs as he leaned back against a strategically-placed driftwood log, thoughtfully provided by the hotel staff. 

Seeing Cate shiver with the night chill despite the fire’s warmth, Jon had draped a blanket around his shoulders and pulled her close, wrapping her inside the blanket with him.  They talked quietly, gazing at the fire and watching the ocean, until finally Cate asked Jon to check the score.  He hadn’t argued, quickly producing his iPhone.  Now as the last minutes of the game ticked away he growled softly in frustration.

 Cate gave Jon a sympathetic smile and leaned up to brush a kiss across his lips.  “Sorry, Baby.”

Jon shrugged and shoved his phone back into his pocket.  “S’okay.  It’s just a game.”  He winced slightly as the lie passed his lips.

Cate chuckled.  “Yeah, right.  I know.  I’m a fan too, remember?”  She snuggled back against Jon’s chest and purred softly as his arms tightened around her.  Cate turned her head to rub her cheek against Jon’s warm chest, sighing as the soft cotton of his worn thermal tee caressed her skin. 

Jon pressed a kiss against Cate’s hair, giving her another squeeze.  “Yeah, okay.  The Pats lost.  It blows.”  He chuckled softly, gazing into the dancing flames of the bonfire. 

“I’m sorry you missed the game.  I know you were planning to go.”  Cate looked up to give Jon a grateful smile.  “Thanks for giving that up for me.”

“For us,” Jon corrected her.  “Baby, I’ll take a romantic weekend with my beautiful wife over a football game any day.”

Cate snorted softly and smirked at his fib.  “Any day?  Even Super Bowl Sunday?  With the Giants playing?”  She chuckled at her hypothetical tease.

Jon grinned sheepishly.  “Well, okay.  Almost any day.  But today for sure.”

Cate smiled and snuggled back against him again.  She was so grateful to Jon for his wonderful surprise, this beautiful, romantic, lazy weekend together.  “Thank you, Baby,” she repeated softly. 

The past few months had been difficult, with him on the road and her working so much.  Missing him and stressed out, Cate knew she had withdrawn into herself.  Even after his return she had found it difficult to open herself fully to him again.  After all, in a matter of a few short weeks he would be gone again and she would be alone, dealing with life’s daily grind.   She wanted to savor these private moments with Jon.  She had to share him with so many people; having him all to herself was a rare luxury.

As if on cue, Jon’s phone buzzed in his pocket.  Cate felt Jon tense, but he didn’t reach for it.  It buzzed again and still he didn’t move.

“Baby?”  Cate’s voice was soft, resigned.  She knew Jon had programmed his phone so only the most important calls would reach him during their time together.  “You should answer that.”

Jon sighed, detecting the hint of disappointment in Cate’s voice.  Their weekend was almost over; he didn’t want to interrupt it with business.  “Are you sure?”

Cate nodded.  “Of course.”  She understood as well as Jon that neither of them could completely escape their electronic leashes.  She had carried her Blackberry with her most of the weekend, in case her office had an emergency and had to call her back to work.  Thank God that hadn’t happened.

Jon fished his phone out of his jeans pocket and held it up in front of him and Cate.  Cate saw the familiar number on the glowing screen and a tiny twinge of jealousy plucked at her heart.  She immediately felt guilty at the reaction.

“Dorothea.”  Jon’s voice carried a hint of concern.  “I wonder if she left…”  The phone buzzed again, cutting his thought short with the announcement of a voicemail.  Jon tapped the screen with his thumb and raised the phone to his ear, listening to the message.

Cate sighed softly and turned her gaze back to the fire.  She again felt the muscles of Jon’s chest tense before he spoke.  “Jakey’s sick.  He was asking for me, so Dorothea asked if I would call back and talk to him.”  Jon hesitated.  “Cate, would that be okay?”

Again Cate felt a pang of guilt at the apology in Jon’s voice.  She sat forward and turned to look at him.  “Baby, of course it’s okay.  He’s your child.  He needs you.”  She gave him a little smile.  “Call him.  Tell him I hope he feels better.”

Jon gazed at Cate for a moment, searching her expression.  Then he nodded.  “Okay.  I’ll only be a few minutes, promise.”  He leaned forward to give Cate a gentle kiss as he pulled the blanket from his shoulders.  He climbed to his feet and leaned down to drape the blanket over Cate, then kissed her forehead.  “Be right back.  I’ll bring us some wine.”

“Okay.”  Cate watched Jon stride across the sand toward the villa, the phone to his ear.  When he disappeared into the living room she turned back to the fire.  Cate pulled the blanket closer around her shoulders, drawing her legs up under her and leaning back against the log. 

Feeling her eyes moisten, Cate angrily shook her head.  What the hell was wrong with her?  She had been happy and content and relaxed just a few moments ago, until Dorothea’s call.  Now she was on the verge of tears, the sadness she had struggled against for the past few months closing in on her heart.  

Stop it, Cate chastised herself.  You’re being stupid.  It’s not her fault, it’s not Jon’s fault, it’s nobody’s fault.  Things are the way they’ve always been, the way you knew they always would be. 

She took a deep breath and angrily swiped a hand across her eyes, brushing away her tears.  She looked past the fire at the shimmering waves of the ocean, rolling gently to the shore.  Cate willed herself to pull it together before Jon returned. 

He didn’t need to carry this burden along with everything else he bore in his heart and soul.  Eventually she would get past this, in her own way.  In the meantime Cate was determined to count her blessings for the wonderful man who had made her his wife.

Taking another deep breath, Cate forced herself to think about something else, anything else.  Her mind drifted back over their activities of this weekend.  Cate felt a little smile curve the corners of her mouth as she recalled their earlier walk through the village, when they held hands and laughed and pointed out all the places that were markers of their romantic history.  She had been so relaxed, so carefree, so content just being with Jon here in this place where her old life ended and her new one began. 

Cate mused over that thought, her old life versus her new.  A lot had changed for her, almost overnight.  She wasn’t the same woman she was just two years ago.  She was softer, gentler, wiser… more giving.  Jon had done that for her.  He had helped her discover a part of her soul she thought was missing.  He had made her a complete woman, in almost every sense of the word. 

Almost.

“Cate?”  Jon’s gentle voice cut through her reverie.  “Baby, you okay?”

“Huh?  Oh…”  Cate turned her head to see Jon standing beside her, two glasses of wine in his hands.  His face wore a look of worry.  She gave him a little smile.  “Yeah.  Fine.  How’s Jake?”

“He’ll be fine.  Just a tummy bug.”  Jon leaned over to carefully set the wine glasses on the ground near the fire, digging their feet into the sand to be sure they wouldn’t fall over.  Cate scooted forward to allow him to lower himself into his earlier spot against the log.

“You want the blanket?” she asked softly as Jon settled in behind her and slipped his hands around her waist.

“Naw, I’m fine.  It’s pretty warm here now.”  Jon gave Cate a little squeeze and pressed a kiss against her ear.  “Sorry for the interruption.  Jakey’s just having a rough night, poor guy.  Dorothea said to tell you she’s sorry for intruding on our weekend.”

“It’s okay.  I understand.” 

Jon’s brow furrowed at the sadness in Cate’s quiet voice.  “Cate, what’s wrong?   And don’t say ‘nothing.’  I can tell something’s bothering you.”

Cate chuckled throatily at Jon’s command, but didn’t answer.  He had forbidden her stock answer, so she didn’t know how to respond without revealing more than she wanted to.

“Baby… please.  Talk to me.”  Jon tightened his arms around Cate, giving her a little squeeze and settling his chin on her shoulder.  “There’s something going on with you, has been for weeks.”

Cate sighed, dropping her chin as a melancholy little smile turned her lips.  “Baby, it’s nothing.  Just something I have to sort out, that’s all.”

“Well, let me help you.  Talk through it to me, like you do with Danny.”  Jon’s voice was soft in Cate’s ear, his breath warm on her cheek.  “I can listen. I won’t even say a word, if you don’t want me to.  Cross my heart.”

Cate chuckled at that.  “Yeah, right.  Don’t make promises you can’t keep.”

Jon chortled.  “Okay, okay.  Maybe I’ll say a couple words.  But I promise I’ll listen.”

Cate sighed again, deeply.  “Jon, I just… this is something personal.  Something I have to figure out on my own.  I haven’t even told Danny, ‘cause he can’t help.”

Jon's heart clenched with dread.  “Baby, you’re okay, aren’t you?  Physically, I mean?  You’re not… Your doctor’s appointment…”

“No!  No… God, No.”  Cate shook her head emphatically.  “Jon, I’m fine.  Honest.  Baby, if I was sick I’d tell you.  I’d need you to lean on.”

Jon blew out a deep breath of relief.  “Okay. Thank God.  It’s just… you haven’t been yourself, ever since I came home from Australia.  You’ve seemed… kinda… grey.”  Jon paused, searching for words.  “You seem kinda like I felt back in the fall, when we were in South America.  Just… I don’t know… Sad.”

Cate sighed.  “I know.  I’m sorry.  I guess I just… I’m just being selfish, is all.”

“Selfish?  How?”

“I miss you.  When you’re gone I’m alone.  I go to work, I come home, that’s it.  It’s just me.  I don’t really have many friends in New York, just the people I work with.”  Cate took a deep breath.  “And when you come home, it’s hard to adjust.  It’s wonderful, but it’s like I only get a part of you.  You have so many responsibilities, so many people you have to share your time with…” 

Cate stopped, cringing as she heard the words leave her mouth.  They sounded so whiny and selfish.  She didn’t want to be that kind of woman.

Jon’s heart squeezed at the sadness in Cate’s voice.  He knew where she was going with this, even if she didn’t want to admit it to herself.  Her mood, her reaction to his call a few minutes ago… it had to be what was bothering her.  He took a deep breath.

“Like Dorothea, you mean?”

Jon felt Cate tense in is arms.  Steeling himself, he continued on.  “And our kids?”

Cate felt a stab of guilt again, in the pit of her stomach.  “God, Jon… No!  Of course not.”  She shifted in Jon’s arms, turning to give him an earnest look.  “Baby, your kids are the most important thing in your life.  You’re their father.  You should spend as much time with them as you can.  And Dorothea is their mother.”

Jon stared back at Cate, his heart clenching at the pain he saw swirling in her beautiful blue eyes.  “And blood is stronger than marriage vows?”  His voice was quiet and even despite the ache in his soul.

Cate’s lips parted as she gasped softly, but her gaze didn’t waver from Jon’s.  He saw the realization in her eyes before she spoke.  “She… she told you.”

“Yes.”  Jon paused.  “I know you asked Dorothea not to tell me what happened, because you were afraid I’d be pissed at her.  She told me everything.”  He took a deep breath, waiting for Cate’s response. 

When none came he continued.  “Cate, don’t be mad at her.  Dorothea told me because she’s trying to help.  When I had lunch with her the other day I was so worried about you, about how quiet and sad you’ve been lately.  She asked me what was wrong and I just started talking and everything just kinda came tumbling out.”

“Oh.”  Cate swallowed hard, then took a shaky breath.  “Jon… that’s not it.  Really.  She didn’t mean what she said to me.  Dorothea was upset, she apologized over and over…  We’re fine now.  Really, we are.”  Despite her words Cate’s eyes glistened with the beginnings of tears.

“I know.”  Jon reached a hand up to stroke her cheek.  “But there’s more to it than that, isn’t there, Cate?  What Dorothea said to you… it was mean and spiteful and so out of character for her.  I can’t defend her for that.”  He paused and took a breath, realizing there was no going back now.  

“But you know she was right about one thing.  Dorothea and I share a bond, through our kids.  I’ve never denied that, and neither have you.  It’s something you and I don’t have.”  Jon paused again and gave Cate a tender little smile. “It’s something maybe you wish we had, or could have.”

A tear slid down Cate’s cheek as she gazed at Jon, her sapphire eyes shining in the firelight.  Her heart swelled at her husband’s words, at his simple statement of everything she was feeling.  He knew.  He understood, even though she had tried to hide her melancholy as she struggled to come to terms with their reality.

Jon’s heart squeezed at the expression of relief painting his wife’s beautiful face.  So this was the burden she had been carrying, what she had been struggling with, all alone.  Jon swept her tear away with the gentle brush of his calloused thumb, the moisture on her soft skin sparkling in the light of the flames.

“Cate… Do you want to try to have a baby?”